I've had a major epiphany and I'm gonna need good, stout-hearted folk to rise up with me against this tyranny I've seen. Did you ever read The Flying Inn? Well it's going to be like that...only not so important. But it'll be important enough I tell you!!
When your friendly barista says to you, "is that for here?" and you of course say, "Yes," do you know what you just ordered? You just asked for your coffee to be placed in a container designed to extract heat from liquids at a remarkable rate. It seems that I get my coffee, and before you know it, it's cold!! What gives? I may like to drink my coffee rather fast, but this stuff cools it off too fast, leaving me with a cold coffee experience.
Good people, we must rise up against this. It's exactly the same situation as the Big Oil companies, hoarding the remarkable technology of gas-free cars and trucks. Big Coffee has a thermally insulating cup that cost the same as their regular 'for-here' cups. Why don't they employ it? Money, of course. But if we strike back now, while they think we're ignorant, we'll have gained an upper hand and possibly changed the course of lives everywhere, or at the very least, of coffee drinkers lives everywhere.
I don't blame the baristas. I blame their ethereal and slightly non-corporeal unknown superiors 60 times removed from them who sit in some plush chair in some plush office in some plush city, drinking their lattes in 'for-here' cups that are thermally insulated. I'll be sitting outside a random coffee shop, protesting, starting on the next day that doesn't end in 'y.' Join me.
3 comments:
Mr. Tachyons,
I couldn't disagree more. Scalding drinks are the leading cause of consumable-liquid-initiated-dermal and -oral blisters in the United States. If anything, the kind works of these magnanimous coffee houses is diffusing the dangers of sipping coffee before it has cooled to manageable levels. I give a quick hooray to those who will rise against your mysogynistic and fascist whinings. Warm drinks are for tough guys. Hot drinks are for pussies with guns in their hands.
Sincerely,
Utzian Thinker
Mr. Utzian Thinker, having clearly been bought out by Big Coffee, isn't thinking about the big picture. I never advocated a fully self contained unit that does not dissipate any heat at all, ever. I merely stated that there is a cup that allows for a smoother decline in heat versus time. Naturally it will cool down eventually. If you can't handle it, ask for your coffee at a specific temperature, like a little kid, you pansy.
Replied,
Sir Tachyons
You both couldn't be more wrong if you tried. Sure, we've all had our coffee cool too rapidly. Sure, each one of us has our oral fixtures scalded.
But where's the medium here? "Warm" drinks are already halfway between "cold" and "hot" (cf. Oxford English Dictionary, 6th ed.). Now, we can sit here and argue back and forth, like some pair of hormonal pre-teens. . . OR we can come up with solutions:
In light of the evidence, I must conclude that iced drinks are literally the only option.
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